24-Hour Outing to Kokol Haven - Part 1

As I recalled, I was surprised to discover that CG's in our Church hardly organize outings for their members.

The last outing our family had with our Church group was at least 35 years ago before our Church moved to adopt CG system. Back then, it was called the fellowship group. We went to Sandakan for our first outing with Chio Cheng Leng's family and the family of Chan Kok Woh.

The latest outing organized by our CG lasted a mere 24 hours. With just 10 participants, this turned out to be both exciting and relaxing. We left for Kokol Haven at 2.00pm on 29.08.2024 and returned home at 2.00pm the next day. Surprisingly, we had achieved a lot within such short span of time. Weather had also been exceptionally kind to us. The night before until late morning, it was raining heavily. But by the time we commenced our trip, it was bright and sunny all the way until we returned the next day afternoon.

Checking in at the Reception Counter.

Upon check-in, we had afternoon tea/coffee at a platform just below our Sunrise units facing east. Its only drawback is the lack of a table or tables. Snacks and drinks brought along by different group members to share among the group truly made the tea/coffee break an unforgettable event!

Afternoon view of Mount Kinabalu after check-in.

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Many come to Kokol Haven to catch the sunset view. Because of the heavy rain the night before and the following morning, thick cloud partially blocked off an otherwise glamourous sunset view. Still, there was a tinge of orange and mild red!

Since  our last visit to Kokol Haven in September 2019 (Read here), the hotel owner has put in place more facilities for visitors specifically for photo taking!

The man group.

The lady group.

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Our first day ended with a pre-Mooncake Celebration immediately after our dinner. Our CG leader and his wife were generous to share a box of moon cake of unconventional design!

Father and Son - Both Professional Engineers

On 19 August 2024, during a briefing at the JKR Sabah Headquarters for a potential government road project, I had the unexpected pleasure of meeting Steve Sulis and his father. This time, however, he was no longer the bright teenager in the news (Read here), but a fully qualified Professional Engineer, actively involved in the consultancy practice in his father's firm.

In the course of our conversation, I also learned that his father, once an active consulting engineer, is now semi-retired. Naturally, the expectation is for Steve to carry forward the family’s professional legacy, ensuring continuity of their consultancy practice.

It was a gratifying moment - to witness how a young student’s dream, once reported in the papers, had indeed blossomed into a reality almost two decades later.

On reflection, I could not help but draw a personal parallel - my own son, Paul, also chose the path of civil engineering (Read here) and is today a qualified Professional Engineer practicing in Singapore (Read here). In a way, both Steve’s journey and Paul’s remind me of the enduring value of guidance, hard work, and the continuation of legacies across generations.

She Surpasses Them All!

Ten year ago on 18.08.2014, my wife celebrated her birthday in a hotel in Tetbury, UK (Read here). Much has changed since then.  Our third grandchild, Livvie was born in January 2017 and the fourth grandchild, Madeleine in April 2020.

For the occasion, we had a simple meal at the Pound, a steak house at the Jesselton Mall. Typical of many families in KK, we did not have the luxury of family members joining us to celebrate the occasion. Children are now residing in other parts of the world. But, we did receive congratulatory messages and birthday greetings and songs from faraway family members and our grandchildren. 

Whether it's a coincidence or by deliberate choice, my two grandchildren in Australia chose to sing "My Love Loves Me" as a prelude in their birthday wish. The song did arouse much pleasant and sweet memories. The song "My Love Loves Me" was chosen to be played during the wedding processional order of our wedding blessing ceremony way back in April 1979. This song originally "Plaisir d'amour" is a classical French love song written in 1780 by Jean Paul Egide Martini.

Livvie in Singapore chose to do a presentation of her skill in making and dressing up her hand-made doll - a feat truly remarkable at her age!

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I count myself exceedingly blessed to have my wife as my companion for the last fourty-five years which is a reasonably long period of time. 

Indeed, I would say, "Many women do noble things, but she surpasses them all!"

Getting to Know New Relatives at Funerals

This is my third visit to Fook Lu Siew Funeral Parlour in a span of just over a month. The latest visit on 12.08.2024 was to pay my respect to my late Uncle Fen who passed away on 10.08.2024 at age 89. I was informed of his passing on 11.08.2024 by his daughter, Lily Lee.

It was almost by divine intervention that I got to know Lily Lee. I have known her cousin Lucy Lee much earlier. 

Some time in early 2014 (if I remember correctly), Lucy asked me to help her cousin, Lily. Lily's house which is adjacent to the new premise of E-West Restaurant & Cafe suffered some settlement problems soon after construction of E-West new building started in 2013 or earlier. As a result of the settlement, Lily's family had difficulty closing or opening the front door of their house. The gate posts and fence of the house compound also tilted. Lily sought Lucy's help to find her a Consulting Engineer who could help her to address this problem. Lucy instantly thought of me and asked whether I could help. I agreed and that how I got to know Lily.

Soon after I conducted an inspection of her house, Lily set up a meeting with the engineering consultants of E-West project which I also attended. After discussion and making representation on behalf of Lily, the project management of E-West project agreed to address and rectify the numerous issues raised. The problems were eventually resolved to the satisfaction of Lily's family.

In the course of resolving the problems, I also got to know the rest of Lily's family. Her dad, Lee Nyuk Fen, whom I called Uncle Fen is one of the brothers of Lucy's father and a son of Madam Leong whom I called "Pak Po", my grandaunt whom I talked about in an earlier blog (Read here). Uncle Fen is the youngest of my grandaunt's eight children.

Lucy at left and Lily in the middle.

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I met quite a few people in that visit to the Funeral Parlour who later turned out to be related to me. One lady introduced herself as Christie Chong said, "You are Alfred, correct? I heard a lot about you from Uncle Fen!". She continued, "I also know one of your classmates, Maggie who now resides in Hong Kong". Instantly, I thought of Ah Miau (Read here).  As it turned out, Christie's mother is a sister of Uncle Fen and by extension, Christie is my cousin.

Later on, I called Ah Miau. She confirmed she knows Christie and another sister of Christie, Helen. They were once neighbours in Kapayan.

With Christie.

I also met another male cousin, Jason Lee whose father is another brother of Lucy's father. Jason is a contractor operating under the name of PMMW Constructions Sdn Bhd. In the brief encounter with Jason, he told me about his previous trip back to China to look for the ancestral home and relatives. Unfortunately, he failed to locate the home nor any relative!

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Unlike my grandfather who only had a son (my dad) and a daughter, my late grandaunt who married Lee Tin Kim had eight children, four sons and four daughters. Lucy's dad is the second child while Christie's mom is the seventh child.

Francis Lee, eldest brother of Lucy whom I met earlier on 11.12.2023. He resides in Sandakan.

In life, one may meet and get to know other people under different situations and circumstances. In the case of Christie and Jason, we got to know each other under the least expected occasion and premise!

"Be Careful" Vs "Take Risk"

In the recent D6 Conference, one item that set me into thinking for quite some time after listening to a story told by the key speaker, Scott Turansky:

One day I took my young grandchildren to the playground. There was a mother who also took her child there to play. While watching my grandchildren played, I kept hearing the mother saying frequently to her kid, "Be careful, don't do that!". After hearing this numerous times, I could not take it anymore and shouted to my grandchildren, "Take risks, take risks!".

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Parents understand that teaching children to be strong and courageous aligns with the concept of allowing then to take risks and face challenges head-on. Children are to be taught to embrace taking risks when facing challenges.

While this ideal is well understood, yet, the struggles of parents in handling this is never a straight forward case. The nagging question is: How far or to what extent that children should be given the freedom to take risks.

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My wife told me of a conversation she had some time ago with my youngest son, Paul soon after he observed us doing regular cycling after we started cycling in late 2017. 

When I was at high school, I took the bike you bought for us and cycled all the way to Tanjong Aru with another friend. Had I asked for permission, I knew that the answer would be a "No". So I decided to do it without your knowledge!

Come to think of it, would I have given permission to a young teenager son to ride a distance of 8.5Km from Taman Kim Leng to Tanjong Aru passing through highway with heavy traffic and then back? It would probably have been a "No"! To be honest! 

We are sure Paul is not the only one among the children to have done numerous things behind our back:) They knew that their parents would most likely decline their requests because the parents were not ready to take the risk!

Come my grandchildren generation, I noticed they were given much more leeway and freedom to take risks and try new challenges. Afterall, No Pain No Gain!

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From my encounter with my grandchildren, Gracie is observed to be more adventurous and is a risk taker. Even at age 2, she dared to do certain stunts some may not consider venturing into (Read here).

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During our holidays in WA in September/October 2023, we had great time doing things with our grandchildren together, observing them crossing from one level of risk to another level!

I don't remember hearing "Be Careful" from the parents when their children ventured up the tree! But then, this is what I call "supervised risk" that they ventured into :) (Read here for more).

Fact of Life - Another Former Classmate of Lok Yuk School KK Has Left For Good

I’ve been debating for some time whether to write yet another blog on the themes of death and the afterlife. Would it feel repetitive to some readers? Perhaps. But in the end, I decided to continue -because these are not just abstract topics; they are part of our shared human journey.

As the writer of Ecclesiastes 8:8 reminds us: “No one has power over the wind to contain it; so no one has power over the time of their death...”

Last Saturday, 27.07.2024, I went to Eddie’s tyre shop to replace the tyres on my car. Eddie is one of my former high school classmates of Lok Yuk School, KK. While waiting, we went for a cup of coffee at a nearby shop. As always, our conversation drifted from the latest happenings to old memories, and inevitably to some of our classmates.

We spoke about Thau Min, whom we last met at a class reunion lunch during Chinese New Year in February 2020 (Read here). He had been quite active in our Class Chat Group last year, but in the past couple of months he had grown unusually quiet. Eddie and I even talked about giving him a call one of these days - perhaps to invite him for coffee, to catch up once more.

Coffee with Eddie Chow on 27.07.2024.

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Then on Monday morning (29.07.2024), I received a WhatsApp message from Ivy, daughter of Thau Min informing that her father has passed away on 27.07.2024. I was rather shocked to receive the news considering that we were just talking about him on the very day he died two day earlier.

As I notified our Class Chat Group about his passing, I couldn't help but said that "Life is truly unpredictable!".

In our visit to the Funeral Parlour to pay our final respects on 29.07.2024, Ivy told us his father died of lung infection which started about two months before he passed away.

With Eddie and Wife of Thau Min at
the funeral perlour.

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Thau Min was a very quiet student in the class and hardly mixed with the other classmates. We were classmates for just three years from Form I to Form 3 (1965-1967). He did not continue after finishing Form 3. We lost touch since we parted way at the end of 1967.

Then in 1990 in one of my projects which I handled, I bumped into him. He was working as a Project-in-Charge for the Contractor for that project: The Construction of Staff Quarters for SESB Melawa Power Station at Sepangar Bay. We re-established connection since then.

He was a keen participant of class reunions. He joined the class reunion when one of our former classmates, Miao Ling came back from Hong Kong in early 2019 (Read here). He too signed up for another class reunion when another former classmates came back from Australia in October 2022 (Read here). But he failed to turn up. When I called him after the event, he said that he had to forego attending because he could not find any parking lot to park his car that day. When I chatted with Thau Min's wife at the Funeral Parlour on 29.07.2024 about that incident, she told me that he in fact went but could not locate the venue of the get-together - the Hyatt Hotel. His daughter also told us that her dad had mild dementia since a couple of years ago. Clearly, many of my peers are beginning to be affected by health issues related to advancing age!

The very last time we met at BTC Restaurant,
 Inanam with two other former classmates,
 Eddie Chow and Yap Kim Tong on 04.06.2022.

Thau Min attended the reunion of Class
of 1967 & 1969 on 01.03.2019.

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This is a biodata he wrote about himself during his Form 1 in 1965 and submitted to Mr. Edward Greenawald, our teacher. His biodata, together with those of other students and many old photographs carefully preserved by Mr. Greenawald, was eventually passed on to me in January 2017 (Read here).

This photo was taken by Edward Greenawald when he was teaching in Lok Yuk School, KK (Read here). Thau Min in Form 1 (1965) was seen sitting for the school examination. 

A class photo of Form 3 (1967) taken in the new school premises. I was standing partially hidden at the right our Form Teacher, Ms. Ruth Moody. Thau Min who was standing next to me is hardly visible and hidden behind Ms. Moody's left.

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Eddie, Thau Min and I met up on 01.10.2016

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At the home of another former classmate, Yap Kim Tong on 25.11.2016.

Chitter-Chattering in Weekly Yam-Cha Sessions

These days, one of the popular subjects of chitter-chattering during the weekly Sunday yam cha sessions is the final resting place. The conversation went on like this:

Kaki A : Have you booked your burial chamber?

Kaki B: Yes. In Row C for me and my wife.

Kaki C: Mine and my wife are in Row D.

Kaki A: In that case, I better book two nearby. By then, if I need to look for friends and kaki to yam-cha or to have a cup of coffee, I will just move over to your chamber and give you a shout!

Kaki D: Sorry, Alfred and I won't be able to join you all for yam-cha because our cremated remains will be kept in a columbarium!

That chitter-chattering was indeed humorous and funny!

Clearly, at this stage of life, talking about death and afterlife is no longer a taboo but can be a candid and laughable subject!

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The burial chambers they were talking about is at the south-western slope of BCCM KK Cemetery. Yam-cha kaki know that I have been involved with the construction of burial chambers in this cemetery for a significant period. In actual fact since 1999. 

When available land for the conventional burial utilizing the flatter ground at the cemetery was exhausted at the end of the 1990's, I decided to explore the feasibility of utilizing the unused slopes for burial purpose. The feasible option is the construction of reinforced concrete burial chambers over the slope. Construction work finally started at the north-eastern slope in 2004. After 10 years, this area was fully used up. Construction of similar burial chambers started at the south-western slope in March 2015 soon after the completion of a new access road to this part of the cemetery.

Still, there are some who have yet to accept cremation as an alternative to conventional burial. As long as there is a demand for conventional burial and no shortage of burial ground, construction of burial chambers will continue.

Taken on 19.01.2022.

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On the subject of Final Resting Place, this has always been one attraction where tourists are brought to see and spend some time. In our 2018 Eastern Europe Tour, we were taken to a cemetery for the Jews in Prague, Czech Republic (Read here). In the 2019 South America Tour, we visited the Recaleta Cemetery in Buenos Aires, Argentine where Evita Peron is interred (Read here). All these final resting places allow a glimpse of how different peoples and cultures treat the people who have departed.