Sharing of Thought in Mothers' Day

Proverb 31: 10-31, a very familiar passage to all of us which talks about a wife and mother who has multiple roles to fulfill. The difference between many of today's moms and Proverb 31’s mother is that she does her roles in total perfection. Many of us find this woman to be too idealistic to be a practical example.

She is a wife (v10), home maker (v27), real estate investor (v16), vineyard owner (v16), trader (v18), philanthropist (v20), garment trader (v24) and mother.

I went through this text over and over again and tried to understand her success story. I finally found the key verse which we often overlook.

2nd half of V25 in NIV Bible says “She can laugh at the days to come”

RSV reads “She laughs at the time to come”.

The Good News Bible says “She is not afraid of the future”.

I like the Chinese translation “She would laugh with joy when she thinks of the future”. I think this Proverb 31’s Mother has the wisdom to discover this secret.

1. There is no need or no benefit to dwell too much over the past. Past is past. Its over. There is nothing you can do to change it.

2. But tomorrow presents an opportunity. There is opportunity to start afresh. There is opportunity not to repeat what’s considered wrong or unacceptable. There is opportunity to repair broken relationship. I think this is the key factor why Proverb 31’s mother laughs at the days to come.

3. Laughing in anticipation of the future is also a demonstration of faith in the providence of God. It’s like what the Psalmist says in Psalm 23, “You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil, my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me, all the days of my life”. This is truly a demonstration of faith in the providence of God for all the days to come even in the presence of trials and tribulation.

4. I think she laughs because she has full confidence that she could find rest in God. With all the stresses, she learns to cast all her worries onto God. We have to learn to stop daily from the hectic schedule to spend a few moments with the Lord.

I like the words of wisdom from the Serenity Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi. He said, “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference”.

The courage to change is something we can all do in the days to come. That’s why we can and should smile in anticipation of tomorrow.

For those of us who are hindered to move forward because of the past. We should be reminded not to be stressed over things of the past because they no longer can be changed but rather to have courage to face tomorrow because tomorrow presents unlimited opportunity of change for improvement and for the better.

Time is in Short Supply

I can hardly believe how much time has passed since my last blog entry on 25 April. So many things have happened in between.

From 29 April to 1 May, I made a short trip to Singapore to visit Serene and Meng How. It turned out to be both fun and eye-opening, especially when we spent time at the Settler’s Café. The food was excellent, and to my delight, I discovered that Meng How himself is one of the chefs there. He told me that preparing those dishes had become second nature - “a breeze,” as he put it - after practicing them a few times. Seeing him so confident in his craft was truly impressive.

I always enjoy my visits to Singapore. The city-state never fails to impress me with its efficiency and modernity. It has become almost a fully cashless society, something I deeply appreciate as an engineer who values innovation that makes life more convenient and seamless. The streets are remarkably clean - hardly a piece of litter in sight - and the people generally come across as polite and orderly, at least outwardly.

While I was there, a few questions did cross my mind. Can people’s attitudes really be changed through courtesy campaigns and education alone? Or is it stricter enforcement of the rule of law that brings about quicker and more lasting change? In Singapore, the latter seems to have worked remarkably well - or at least, that’s how I perceive it.

After Singapore, from 2 to 3 May, I was in Kuala Lumpur to meet my wife’s family members. Hee Chuan, her second brother, and his family have recently moved into a beautiful double-storey bungalow. It was heartwarming to see how well they’ve settled in. And young Thaw Thaw, their eldest daughter is now driving with her “P” licence - how time flies!

One memorable moment came when my niece, Lyanna came over to my wife. She took her aside and said, “Aunty, I’ve finally found a man just like Uncle Alfred, who will love me for the next twenty years!” When my wife later recounted this to me, I couldn’t help but chuckle. My first thought was, “Why twenty years? Isn’t it supposed to be ‘till death do us part’?” But I suppose this makes sense - Lyanna is not a Christian yet, and her words reflect her own way of understanding love and commitment.

We stayed at Lyanna’s place and had a truly wonderful time with her. She welcomed us wholeheartedly and made us feel completely at home. In fact, she even assured us that her doors would always be open whenever we visit again in the future - a gesture that touched us deeply.

In my heart, I sincerely pray that if she eventually chooses to marry this man, he will prove himself to be a kind, faithful, and loving husband, one who will cherish her and stand by her through life’s journey.

Split Second Decision

My barber is a very chatty person. Last Saturday, while cutting my hair, he talked about the news in the local paper about five ladies being killed instantly along Lahad Datu - Semporna Highway while trying to overtake a trailer. Apparently after the driver moved her car from the left lane to overtake the trailer and probably midway in the overtaking, a truck from the opposite direction approached head-on to her pickup. Based on the news, she then tried to accelerate but couldn't make it. In that split second, the driver decided to move to the the other side of the road shoulder to avoid the collision. Somehow, it was too late, her pickup rammed into the truck. All five ladies died instantly.

Today, another piece of news. One kidnapper of a 10-year old kid discovered he was surrounded by the police. To avoid capture, his split second decision was to jump down from the 14th floor. The obvious consequence - Death.

In life, we come across many instances when we have to make split second decisions. Let pray that we have the split second wisdom to make the right split second decision.

Treat People with Dignity

Last Friday, I went to Labuan to conduct the 1st Site Meeting for the Oxygen Generation Plant Project in the HBI Plant which we are doing for a Client. This Client also owns SFI, the Sabah Forest Industries.

We have done a number of small projects for SFI. But for the HBI, this is the 1st project. In my mind, I always assumed that the reason that we were selected to bid for the Oxygen Plant was probably due to some kind fellows in SFI who had introduced us to them.

Finally, the chap in HBI told me how we were introduced. Not by SFI but through two persons who had worked in our firm. One a university student who had a short training in our firm. The other is an Engineer who had worked in our office for a number of years. Both had good words for us and recommended strongly to the HBI staff who had a hand in the selection of consultants.

Well, it should always be a life policy not to say harsh words to any of your staff even though they are truly useless or lousy. Be reminded to have no ill feeling when they leave your company.

I remember I used to have an engineer whom the contractor told me that he demanded favour in the form of money. I didn't confront him or fire him but decided to improve the procedure to minimise the chance of graft. Believe it or not, he is now with a government department who is our client of one of our projects. Well, if I had fired him or spoken harshly against him, you can imagine the disaster we would be facing now.

Another old case. One of my draftsgirls told me she had been harassed by another male colleague. I could have fired him but that could be disastrous because there is a possibility of us being sued for wrongful termination. So, I called him and in a very rational and gentle tone told him. "You have been accused of sexual harassment and if you are reported to the Labour Department, your future will be ruined. The best is for you to resign voluntarily so that this issue will not be pursued by her". In the end, he resigned. He still has his dignity and his reputation is not blemished. Whenever we meet, we are still friends.

No Malice: Quality of a Child

This morning in my Year 5 Peace Praise Kids Class, we were discussing about temptation and external influences.

In my class, I have these 2 boys who are the hyperactive type and who practically never stop talking. One of them is called Joshua. When talking about the subject of external factors that would influence their lives, these are some of their answers: TV, TV games, computer games. Then I said, "How about people? Don't people influence you?". To kill 2 birds with one stone, I added, "Don't you think that Joshua is a bad influence?". They all turned to him and laughed. Then, he became quiet for awhile and said, "Teacher, are you insulting me?". I had a good laugh.

The good thing about kids which I always enjoy dealing with is that they have no malice. Yes, no malice. They speak and respond exactly the way they feel. I am very sure this Joshua would have no ill feeling against me.

Unlike adults, on the surface, they smile as if nothing has happened. But deep down, they harbour grudges and wait for the day to level with you.

Well, I think that's why Jesus said that for you to enter heaven, you have to be like a child.

The Passing of a Pope

The news finally came this Sunday morning, Pope John Paul II has passed away at 9.37pm Saturday night local time at his Vatican apartment. This is indeed a passing of a giant of 1.1 million  Catholics.

Even though I am not a catholic, I still consider Pope John Paul II had lived a life of great significance and that his life had undoubtedly impacted a lot of people. I only discovered in the latest news that he was made a Pope in October 1978, the same month and year I was married some 26 years ago.

CNN captioned him as an Extraordinary Pope. Imagine, he had traveled to 100 over countries throughout his papacy. That is indeed an achievement! He traveled to be with his faithful; to lend support to the poor and downtrodden; to extend his hand of reconciliation; to express regret and to ask for forgiveness for the sins committed by the Catholics forefathers in the past.....

One of the things I found uncomfortable previously was the great number of people he canonized. In fact, it was said that he canonized more people than all the previous popes combined. I used to think, "Is it scriptural for a mortal man to declare another person saint? Isn't that for God to decide?". Today at CNN, it was clarified by someone who knew Pope John Paul II quite well that his purpose of canonizing so many people was to identify models for people to emulate. Men and women who had suffered during trying times would be good examples for people to look up to and emulate.

For that, credit should be given to him. I do agree that there is indeed a great need for people of exemplary characters to be identified in this greatly compromised world. Don't you agree that this kind of people is truly a rare specie nowadays!

Christian Tradition - Paying Respects to the Departed During Easter

As a family tradition all these years, we went to the cemetery yesterday late afternoon to clean up two graveyards at BCCM Likas Cemetery - my eldest brother and my paternal grandfather. Believe it or not, except those years spent in the U from 1974 to 1977, I have been going to the cemetery non-stop for the last 30 years. In the past, my father has been faithfully leading his children to the cemetery to clean up the graveyards. These last 3 years, he no longer could do this because of his deteriorating health.

This year, however, only my 2 younger brothers, sister and Aunti Kui Moi turned up. Last year, we had Caleb, Calvin and Cathy joining in. Come to think of it: Can this tradition be continued and sustained? May be difficult. To be honest, I think our children who have never seen my grandpa will find it quite meaningless to go, to clean up the graves and spend a moment of reflection at the grave site.

But, I strongly believe that our family must know their root. A bit of history. My grandpa came from China from a county called Huiyang in the Kwangtong province. From what I was told, he came when he was a very young man. He died on 22 August 1968 probably at the age of 70 (Not very sure of his exact age). His graveyard was first erected in May 1971.

After the cleaning up yesterday, Rev. Lee and I agreed to get Paul Lo to reconstruct the graveyard which by now is in fairly bad condition. Hopefully, the new graveyard will be a reality by Easter next year.

Refurbished graveyards/tombstones of my grandfather (left) and my eldest brother (right).

Photos taken in Easter of 2016.

(Added to Blog on 25.06.2024)

Chinese believe strongly in the tradition of going to clean up the ancestral tombstones during the Chingming Festival. I think Christians should do likewise. Going to the ancestral tombstone once a year at least reminds you of your root.

Lazy Husband

I find this article on research done on men in UK rather interesting :

Men are getting lazier.They sleep – 8.5 hr, watch TV or DVD – 3 hr, involved in sport or meaningful exercise – 18 min. Hardly has any time on housework and parenting.

Boy Husband Type
Exhibits childlike laziness
Does not know how to take care of himself
Expects his wife to do everything for him
May have overindulged as a child
Thinks he is above household chores.

Perfectionist Husband Type
Has high standards for how his wife and children should behave
Has old fashioned view of a wife’s role in home
Expects her to do everything which may lead her to suffer from depression and anxiety

Angry Husband Type
Bullies his wife into doing things
Uses intimidation as a way of getting out of doing housework and parenting duties
Wife gives in to avoid conflicts because she does not want the children to witness an argument

Worried Husband Type
Doesn’t do things around the house because he feels inadequate
Lacks the sense of entitlement and is therefore completely hand-pecked
Has low self esteem
Anxious that if he tries to help out he will do something wrong

Tips in making your husband do more
1st: Be willing to compromise and negotiate. Try to lower your standards a little bit. Most men will say "If you want it done that way. You do it then".

2nd: Approach with affection. They will do more house-work and child rearing if they feel liked and loved. Don’t back him into corner.

3rd: Be assertive.
Don’t let men take advantage of you at home
Set clear guidelines
Play hard ball if all things fail. You are on strike.

Get to the Root

The landscape work arranged by my wife turns out to be really nice. Cost wise, still unknown! Hopefully, not a bomb! By the year end, the compound should look even better.

This morning, I spent a sometime in the compound pulling off the "Thunder Grass" - a direct translation from the Chinese "Lui Kung Chaw". Not an easy job, a few blisters in my palm!

This kind of grass is a real nuisance. It cannot be killed by weed killer. The only way is to pull it out all together with the roots. Any bit of roots left behind will start regrowing all over again. A friend of mine who also stays in Taman Khidmat gave up trying to pull them up. They simply grow faster than he could get rid of them.

This grass also reminds me of the training seminar on Theophostic Ministry conducted by our Church for the Jabed Team which I attended this Tuesday evening. This is another type of ministry similar to the 7 Steps to Freedom. We have yet to fully understand it. Its main aim is to lead the person to the source of the hurt and remove the lies in his life.

One thing for sure, like the thunder grass; sometimes, the only way to solve a problem is to go back to the root of it.

Mind Your Language

I read this comment about a tourist who found this signboard when he/she visited the Forbidden City in China. From what I can understand from the Chinese words, (這棟老建築暫時關閉進行整修.所造成的任何不便,我們深表歉意),it means something like this: "This old building is temporarily closed for renovation. Any inconvenience caused is very much regretted". However, the actual English translation in the signboard reads like this:

"The ancient building is renovating. Excuse me for bringing trouble to you".

Real funny translation!

Mini Reunion

These 2 days, I have been really busy. Yesterday, I had to skip my usual Monday after-work badminton game because by the time I finished my work, it was nearly 6.30pm.

In the morning, I received a call from a friend in DID telling me that an old friend would like to talk to me. Then he passed the phone to him. The guy introduced himself as Liam We Lin. I straight away remembered that he was one of the uni-mates in our years of civil engineering study way back in MU. He is now a consultant specializing in irrigation, hydrology and hydraulic. In fact, he accidentally discovered me when this DID engineer told him that "this Alfred Lee did this Putatn Flood Mitigation Study for DID". Guess what, he told this DID engineer, "I know this Alfred Lee Teck Kiong, he came from Sabah". Finally, we met up during lunch at the New Port View Restaurant. After we last saw each other 27 years ago, there was still this one thing in common. Our hair has grown whiter!

During lunch, we exchanged news and updated ourselves about our old uni-mates in civil engineering. Those DID engineers who did their study overseas (not in West Malaysia) were really surprised that we knew each of our uni-mates so well. That's probably one of the great things studying in a local U where most are from the same country  but different parts of Malaysia.

This morning, he called from KL reminding me not to forget him when we need some specialist input when his expertise is required. One thing for sure, consultancy work in KL is competitive and tough. Well, that applies to Sabah as well.

Living Forever

The other day, I read this feature story in Stars about a man who claimed that man would be able to live forever within the next 25 years. He claimed that research has been on-going to unwrap the mystery of the degeneration of human cells. Once the degeneration process can be controlled, man would live on forever and would not die.

Come to think of it, is it good to live forever with this physical body? I don't think so. Can the earth keep on sustaining the ever increasing population? The job seekers will never be able to find jobs because the old people never retire. People who should be gone refuse to go away! That's truly a very terrible place to stay. Don't you think so?

But as Christians, eternity is to come after death with a new spiritual body. Still, there is a lot of questions..... I have this one Primary 5 Praise Kid who said that she could not imagine singing everyday in heaven. Will we be staying in terrace house in heaven? Will there be KFC? I could only say, "Heaven is a beautiful place, it is far more beautiful than you can ever imagine!"

Seen to be Doing Right

My Resident Engineer of the condo project told me that he discovered the contractor had poured Grade 25 concrete for the drain base inside the Basement Floor during the concrete cubes testing. The contractor had earlier stated in the "Requisition Form for Inspection" prior to the pour that Grade 40 concrete would be ordered. G40 is the specified grade for the drain which is structurally connected to the basement floor slab.

The contractor claimed that he thought that the concrete grade for the internal drain is similar to the external drain which is G25. To resolve this, I insisted that the cast concrete be hacked off and recast. The contractor begged and appealed to us to consider keeping what's been cast without removal. After rechecking the design, we decided to keep what's been cast but with a very strong warning to them not to repeat again.

In fact, the contractor wanted everything to be verbal without record so that the client would not know about it. But, I decided that it must be in writing for record purpose. The other reason is that there would be cost adjustment from G40 to a lower grade of G25.

I told my RE that some may consider this to be a trivial matter and may not be known as long as it was kept within the four walls. But then one fine day, somebody may either unintentionally bring the issue out or deliberately raise it for the client's knowledge. By then, it would be too messy to explain.

Therefore, it is always better to be transparent. Not only you have to do it right, you must be seen to be doing right.

Indian Wells ATP Tennis Master 2005 - Part 2

Tennis update

This afternoon, the match between Federer and Kiefer saw Federer thrashing Kiefer in straight set.

Henman was decimated by Canas 7-6, 7-5.

Indian Wells ATP Tennis Masters 2005 - Part 1

Indian Wells ATP Tennis Masters series is now in progress. This afternoon, I saw Agassi thrashed Coria 6-4, 6-1. Really no fight!

Then Federer was neck to neck with Ljubicic. 4-4 when I had to stop watching and  returned to work. Still unsure who finally got through.

Previously, I used to have this bet with Paul on who would win finally. He was real focused on his hero. I tended to go for the underdog.

This year, Paul is not around, so no bet.

Paul, what is your gut feeling this time around?

A "Christian" who Committed Murder & Suicide

In the flight from KK to KL on 13 March, I read this article in the Stars which talked about a murder cum suicide case. This Singaporean man, Simon Lee killed his 2 children (ages 11 and 7), then his wife and then killed himself, apparently because of gambling debts. The article also revealed that 10 years ago, this man had a S$100,000 gambling debts. He came to the church and with the help from the church members, it took 3 years for him to finally clear the debts.

Last night during the dinner of the pre-marital counselors with Pastor and Mrs. Ho Hoe Sing from Singapore at a restaurant along KK-Papar road, Pastor Ho told us that this Simon Lee was also a lay pastor, helping in the praise and worship ministry in the church.

It was truly shocking to learn that a "Christian" could choose such a destructive path for himself. Worse still committing murder along the way. In fact, he never got over his gambling addiction.

When I first read the news, I felt it hard to accept the fact that a church could help to clear someone's gambling debt. After some thought, I felt that the right approach for the church to resolve this man's problem should have been helping him to clear part of his debts. The bulk should be cleared by him. You help someone who is prepared to help himself.

Unfortunately in this case, the help rendered by the church did not yield the kind of result expected. But then, when you help, you do not think too much of the consequence. It takes our wisdom to decide how we should help someone and to what extent we should render help.

Walking My Son's Footsteps

In KL, we stayed in the Subang Park Hotel in SS15, Subang Jaya. We had a chance to retrace the footsteps of Sam when he was in SJ from 2001 - 2003. I passed by SS15/5D and 5C had dinner at New Sea View Restaurant. This is one place Sam had spent countless of times for breakfasts, lunches and dinners. Right, Sam.

Photo of SS15/5D and 5C added on 25.05.2024.

It was like yesterday when Sam and I landed in SJ for the first time way back in February 2001. We walked for hours looking for a place to rent. Finally, we found this one single-storey terraced house with a back room. That was his first taste of independent living in this room. Was it tough, Sam?

Well, a lot of water had since passed under the bridge so to speak and Sam has moved on with leaps and bounds. Time truly flies. That was 4 years ago. Sometimes, I really can't believe that it's been 4 years already.

Talking about time, it is a very interesting gift from God. Everyone has the same amount. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. At times, you feel that time passes just too quickly, sometimes it inches along.

The truth is, when you have something to do or you have a dead line to meet, time seems too short and insufficient. But when you have nothing to do, times seems exceptionally long. Well, if your time seems long, do something, read a book, do a bit of research in the internet (of course, looking for the right stuff) and write a blog to capture your thought.

Paul, time may seem long at times when you are away from home. But rest assured, before you know it, time is up and it's time to move on to the next level of life. Capture and treasure every moment that comes along you way. What's gone will never come back again. Even you can repeat doing the same thing again, it will be different because you have grown wiser.

Hanging in the Air

Just back from KL by Air Asia. My wife had a successful minor dental surgery in the University Hospital yesterday morning. Met the Dental Specialist again this morning before we flew back. There will be a review scheduled on 3 May. My wife said that she would take the chance to go to Singapore to see Serene during that time. Final teeth implant is expected to be done in 5-6 months time by Dr. Moy in KK.

The flight back from KL to KK was rather bumpy. In fact, it was similar when our flight took us from KK to KL on Sunday, 13 March. According to the pilot's explanation, the bumpiness was due to the air current caused by the extreme hot weather. As far as I can remember, this kind of rough flights were not so prevalent previously. If what the pilot said is true, rough flights will likely be more and more common in anticipation of global warming.

I can never find comfort flying inside a piece of metal, literally hanging in the air for hours. Thanks to engineering innovation that allows a lump of metal to be suspended for hours in air. In fact, that piece of metal will be hanging in the air as long as it is powered by jet engine and in motion. Once the motion stops, gravity will take over. There goes the free fall. Dreadful thought!

Parenting

Last night, we didn't have our usual Friday night cell meeting. Instead, we had a combined cell in the church to listen to Pastor Ho Hoe Sing from Singapore speaking on "Parenting Children in the Internet Age". Pastor Ho specializes in family issues (marriage and parenting). He used to be a pastor in FCBC but now works as an itinerant speaker.

The scenario that he gave about Singapore is rather shocking. 13,000 adults divorced in 2003. Significant number of children below 16 have already watched 400,000 images of pornography. Youths favourite crimes: shoplifting, theft of porno CD/DVD. Latest favourite crime is stealing 3rd generation hand phones - those that can transmit real time images of the person you are talking to. Some of the perverse acts committed by teens are: Abuse of young kids, biting maid's breast, mutilating animals.

The reasons for such sad scenario in Singapore: Singaporean adults are all too obsesssed in chasing after career and consumerism. They are not interested in having children. Even if they have children, they are not really being raised up by parents but by maids or on their own.

As I look back, our 3 children were raised up in a way by the joint-effort of maid and us parents. As far as I can see, they turn out to be ok. But, there is still this nagging question: Was there a moment when we the parents were not there when our kid or kids needed us? If, it is yes, then I would like to ask for their forgiveness. I just pray that that moment has not had any significant effect on their well being.

Bank and Overseas Tertiary Education

Last night, My wife and I were interviewed by one Hongki calling our house phone from Hong Kong. He worked for Synovate Hong Kong and he got our contact from Serene. He was supposed to interview Paul as well. He talked to us for over an hour from 7.30pm to well over 8.30pm.

The gist of the interview was to have our views on bank preference in handling money destined to support children studying overseas, in our case Australia. In the end, he told us that they were commissioned to do the study for CitiBank of USA.

This Hongki chap who has just worked for Synovate for just over 1 month holds a Degree in Civil Engineering from one Canadian University. On why he gave up civil engineering, he told us that Hong Kong now has very little infrastructure projects and hence not easy to get a decent civil engineering job. On why he didn't try China. He said that China has a lot of smart local engineers who can do even better job than them for half their pay. That's why he decided to switch job before it's too late.

Not a good scenario for civil engineers in Hong Kong.

But then earlier in the flight back from Tawau to KK, I met another civil engineering consulting engineer who also has a consulting firm in Perth. He told me that there is now a great demand for civil engineers in Australia. The job sites are however mostly out of town: in the mines-related infrastructural works. Quite hard life! He faced great difficulty to recruit candidates to fill job vacancies.

In the end, he told me to contact him in the event my son is considering looking for job in Australia after he graduates. That is a piece of good news as far as civil engineers are concerned.