She Surpasses Them All!

Ten year ago on 18.08.2014, my wife celebrated her birthday in a hotel in Tetbury, UK (Read here). Much has changed since then.  Our third grandchild, Livvie was born in January 2017 and the fourth grandchild, Madeleine in April 2020.

For the occasion, we had a simple meal at the Pound, a steak house at the Jesselton Mall. Typical of many families in KK, we did not have the luxury of family members joining us to celebrate the occasion. Children are now residing in other parts of the world. But, we did receive congratulatory messages and birthday greetings and songs from faraway family members and our grandchildren. 

Whether it's a coincidence or by deliberate choice, my two grandchildren in Australia chose to sing "My Love Loves Me" as a prelude in their birthday wish. The song did arouse much pleasant and sweet memories. The song "My Love Loves Me" was chosen to be played during the wedding processional order of our wedding blessing ceremony way back in April 1979. This song originally "Plaisir d'amour" is a classical French love song written in 1780 by Jean Paul Egide Martini.

Livvie in Singapore chose to do a presentation of her skill in making and dressing up her hand-made doll - a feat truly remarkable at her age!

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I count myself exceedingly blessed to have my wife as my companion for the last fourty-five years which is a reasonably long period of time. 

Indeed, I would say, "Many women do noble things, but she surpasses them all!"

Getting to Know New Relatives

This is my third visit to Fook Lu Siew Funeral Parlour in a span of just over a month. The latest visit on 12.08.2024 was to pay my respect to my late Uncle Fen who passed away on 10.08.2024 at age 89. I was informed of his passing on 11.08.2024 by his daughter, Lily Lee.

It was almost by divine intervention that I got to know Lily Lee. I have known her cousin Lucy Lee much earlier. 

Some time in early 2014 (if I remember correctly), Lucy asked me to help her cousin, Lily. Lily's house which is adjacent to the new premise of E-West Restaurant & Cafe suffered some settlement problems soon after construction of E-West new building started in 2013 or earlier. As a result of the settlement, Lily's family had difficulty closing or opening the front door of their house. The gate posts and fence of the house compound also tilted. Lily sought Lucy's help to find her a Consulting Engineer who could help her to address this problem. Lucy instantly thought of me and asked whether I could help. I agreed and that how I got to know Lily.

Soon after I conducted an inspection of her house, Lily set up a meeting with the engineering consultants of E-West project which I also attended. After discussion and making representation on behalf of Lily, the project management of E-West project agreed to address and rectify the numerous issues raised. The problems were eventually resolved to the satisfaction of Lily's family.

In the course of resolving the problems, I also got to know the rest of Lily's family. Her dad, Lee Nyuk Fen, whom I called Uncle Fen is one of the brothers of Lucy's father and a son of Madam Leong, my grandaunt whom I talked about in an earlier blog (Read here). Uncle Fen is the youngest of my grandaunt's eight children.

Lucy at left and Lily in the middle.

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I met quite a few people in that visit to the Funeral Parlour who later turned out to be related to me. One lady introduced herself as Christine Chong said, " You are Alfred, correct? I heard a lot about you from Uncle Fen!". She continued, "I also know one of your classmates, Maggie who now resides in Hong Kong". Instantly, I thought of Ah Miau (Read here).  As it turned out, Christine's mother is a sister of Uncle Fen and by extension, Christine is my cousin.

Later on, I called Ah Miau. She confirmed she knows Christine and another sister of Christine, Helen. They were once neighbours in Kapayan.

With Christine.

I also met another male cousin, Jason Lee whose father is another brother of Lucy's father. Jason is a contractor operating under the name of PMMW Constructions Sdn Bhd. In the brief encounter with Jason, he told me about his previous trip back to China to look for the ancestral home and relatives. Unfortunately, he failed to locate the home nor any relative!

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Unlike my grandfather who only had a son (my dad) and a daughter, my late grandaunt who married Lee Tin Kim had eight children, four sons and four daughters. Lucy's dad is the second child while Christine's mom is the seventh child.

Francis Lee, eldest brother of Lucy whom I met earlier on 11.12.2023. He resides in Sandakan.

In life, one may meet and get to know other people under different situations and circumstances. In the case of Christine and Jason, we got to know each other under the least expected occasion and premise!

"Be Careful" Vs "Take Risk"

In the recent D6 Conference, one item that set me into thinking for quite some time after listening to a story told by the key speaker, Scott Turansky:

One day I took my young grandchildren to the playground. There was a mother who also took her child there to play. While watching my grandchildren played, I kept hearing the mother saying frequently to her kid, "Be careful, don't do that!". After hearing this numerous times, I could not take it anymore and shouted to my grandchildren, "Take risks, take risks!".

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Parents understand that teaching children to be strong and courageous aligns with the concept of allowing then to take risks and face challenges head-on. Children are to be taught to embrace taking risks when facing challenges.

While this ideal is well understood, yet, the struggles of parents in handling this is never a straight forward case. The nagging question is: How far or to what extent that children should be given the freedom to take risks.

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My wife told me of a conversation she had some time ago with my youngest son, Paul soon after he observed us doing regular cycling after we started cycling in late 2017. 

When I was at high school, I took the bike you bought for us and cycled all the way to Tanjong Aru with another friend. Had I asked for permission, I knew that the answer would be a "No". So I decided to do it without your knowledge!

Come to think of it, would I have given permission to a young teenager son to ride a distance of 8.5Km from Taman Kim Leng to Tanjong Aru passing through highway with heavy traffic and then back? It would probably have been a "No"! To be honest! 

We are sure Paul is not the only one among the children to have done numerous things behind our back:) They knew that their parents would most likely decline their requests because the parents were not ready to take the risk!

Come my grandchildren generation, I noticed they were given much more leeway and freedom to take risks and try new challenges. Afterall, No Pain No Gain!

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From my encounter with my grandchildren, Gracie is observed to be more adventurous and is a risk taker. Even at age 2, she dared to do certain stunts some may not consider venturing into (Read here).

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During our holidays in WA in September/October 2023, we had great time doing things with our grandchildren together, observing them crossing from one level of risk to another level!

I don't remember hearing "Be Careful" from the parents when their children ventured up the tree! But then, this is what I call "supervised risk" that they ventured into :) (Read here for more).