Passing of a Statesman - Lee Kuan Yew

The news of the death of Lee Kuan Yew at 3.18am on 23 March 2014 which I received in the morning was initially treated with skepticism and was suspected as another hoax. I googled CNN and BBC and all reported the passing of LKY. Then, Sam whatsapped, "Hey Dad, LKY passed away for real". That message put all my doubt away. LKY, the Founding Father and first Prime Minister of Singapore has indeed left this world.

I did feel a sense of loss on knowing that LKY has finally gone. This was probably because of two reasons. One is that two of my children are now working in Singapore. One in fact is going to get married to a Singaporean. Second is because of historical sentiment - I grew up at one period of my life when Singapore was part of Malaysia.

Now that Peninsular Malaysia politics is increasingly moving toward racism, bigotry and Islamisation, East Malaysians (Sabah and Sarawak) are feeling more and more alienated from the original agreement in the formation of Malaysia. Some even go as far as to argue that a referendum of some sort should have been conducted by the remaining partners, Malaya, Sabah and Sarawak on the validity of this union when Singapore was "asked" to leave this federation.

Before 23 March 2015, LKY was the last founder of Malaysia still alive. Now that he is gone, any chance of getting evidence and verification on the founding agreement from someone in the know of this founding process is finally gone. The sense of loss is therefore understandable.

LKY is admired as a great and visionary leader of our time. His foresight and determination to single-handedly transform Singapore from a backwater kampong to an ultra modern city state is unparalleled and an indisputable fact. It did cross my mind many times to guesstimate the kind of Malaysia would be like if Singapore is still part of Malaysia. That exercise of course is futile but nevertheless is good for keeping the mind active.

LKY was quoted to have said at one time:

"I am no longer in active politics. It's irrelevant to me what young Singaporeans think of me. What they think of me after I am dead and gone in one generation will be determined by researchers who do PhDs on me.

I did what I thought was right, given the circumstances, given my knowledge at the time, given the pressures on me at the time. That's finished, done. I move forward. You keep on harking back, It's just wasting time.

I have no regrets. I have spent my life, so much of it, building up this country. There is nothing more that I need to do. At the end of the day, what have I got? A successful Singapore. What have I given up? My life."

He will be remembered as one among the rare species of Great Men of the past such as Mahatma Gandhi and Nelson Mandela. His passing will be missed for a very long time.

A Time to Die: My Father-in-Law

Death is one word many people are not comfortable speaking about. It is a subject often avoided, yet it lingers in the back of our minds. One question that inevitably arises is: “What is the most appropriate time to die?”

Naturally, everyone hopes to leave this world at the "right time" - a moment that seems fitting and peaceful. Yet, the truth is that the sense of appropriateness is not for the dead but for the living. Those who remain are the ones left to bear the weight of loss. When death comes suddenly, as in tragic airplane disasters or other calamities, the grief of the family members and loved ones is magnified. Such deaths feel painfully "inappropriate," leaving behind shock, sorrow, and questions that will never be fully answered.

The wisdom of King Solomon reminds us: “There is a time for everything… a time to be born and a time to die” (Ecclesiastes 3:2). Death is part of the rhythm of life, and though we cannot dictate its timing, Scripture shows us examples of those whose lives ended in what can be seen as a timely and fitting way.

• Abraham lived 175 years. Then he breathed his last and died “at a good old age, an old man and full of years” (Genesis 25:8). His long and fruitful life ended in peace.

• Isaac lived 180 years. Likewise, he died “old and full of years” (Genesis 35:29), surrounded by the blessings of his lineage.

• Jacob’s passing was especially poignant. Before his death, he had the opportunity to gather his sons and bless each one. Scripture records: “When Jacob had finished giving instructions to his sons, he drew his feet up into the bed, breathed his last, and was gathered to his people” (Genesis 49:33). His death was not sudden or chaotic, but deliberate, calm, and filled with meaning.

These biblical accounts remind us that while untimely deaths cause anguish, there is also such a thing as a timely death - a passing that allows one to complete life’s journey, to bless loved ones, and to leave behind a legacy of faith and peace.

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On 26 February 2015, I accompanied my wife on a flight to Johor Bahru for the reunion of her former classmates of the CHIJ Batu Pahat Class of 1970, scheduled on 28 February. Alongside this joyful occasion, we had also planned to spend a few days with her aging parents, both already in their eighties.

However, just a day before our departure, we received distressing news: my father-in-law had suffered a stroke and was admitted to Batu Pahat Hospital. The stroke had left him unconscious and half-paralyzed. Our hearts sank as we adjusted our plans - not for a reunion of friends, but for what we feared might be a final reunion with him.

The very moment we arrived in Batu Pahat, we went straight to the hospital. Though he could no longer speak, we sensed he was still aware of our presence. When my wife held his hands, he gave faint but deliberate squeezes, as if assuring us that he could still hear and feel us. A brain scan confirmed severe hemorrhaging.

Difficult decisions soon confronted the family. His children were torn: should they consent to brain surgery, clinging to the fragile hope of prolonging his life, or should they forgo invasive intervention and instead ensure he remained in comfort, leaving the outcome to God? The tension was palpable. In the midst of these deliberations, one child expressed his struggle through a WhatsApp message: “Any positive side we could look to? Dad is still not giving up. Should we give up then?” His words reflected both love and anguish, as well as the heavy burden of letting go.

As I watched the uncertainty and emotional conflict, my thoughts turned to the biblical patriarchs - Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob - who lived to a ripe old age and whose deaths came at a time of fullness and completion. With that in mind, I felt compelled to encourage the family. At 3:25 p.m. on 27 February, I sent this message to the group chat:

“For the hesitant, it’s time to be strong and face the very likely ultimate eventuality before it is too late.”

The intent was not to give up hope, but to remind them of the importance of presence - of being there to share in his final earthly moments before God called him home.

On 28 February 2015, at 6:57 p.m., my father-in-law breathed his last. Mercifully, almost all his children and family members were gathered around him, each one having had the chance to say their goodbyes and to spend those sacred final hours by his side.

Though his passing was sorrowful, it was also deeply meaningful. His family was united in love at his bedside, and he departed not in loneliness, but surrounded by those who mattered most.

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I came to know this man because of my marriage to his youngest daughter. He came to Sabah only once in 1979 to attend our wedding blessing ceremony on 07.04.1979.

Photograph taken at the front of the Church Building of
BCCM KK immediately after the Wedding Blessing Ceremony.

He was a simple man - a man who spoke only when necessary. That was always my impression of him. I still remember writing to him in 1978, asking for permission to marry his daughter. He never sent a reply, but that silence never bothered me. In the end, he entrusted his daughter to me, and that was all the answer I ever needed.

In the early years of our marriage, it was clear that he was a highly respected figure in the small town of Sri Gading. People from all walks of life - regardless of race or religion - would come to the house seeking his advice, especially on matters of land, dealings with local authorities, or personal disputes. He had a quiet authority, and in that little town, almost everyone knew him by name.

But as the years passed, the visits grew fewer. Many of his peers had passed on, and new rules and regulations introduced by the authorities were beyond his grasp. Slowly, his influence waned, and he became more and more of a lonely man.

Whenever I visited Sri Gading, I made it a point to let him “belanja” me - treat me - to breakfast, whether at his favorite roti canai stall or the little shop famous for its lontong. Over those simple meals, he would recount his life stories and recall the deeds he had done for the community. He took great joy in telling those stories, even if some were repeats. For me, listening to them never felt tedious; rather, it was a window into his past, and a way of honoring the life he had lived.

One memory I treasure deeply was our short trip together in late January 2013. It was the only real tour I ever took with him - a simple one-day journey to the southernmost tip of mainland Asia, Tanjung Piai. That trip, though brief, now holds special meaning. It was more than just a drive; it was time spent together, sharing moments that have since become part of the legacy he left behind (Read here and here).

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A road in Sri Gading named after him is testament of his contribution to this little town.

He stood next to the road sign named after him in Sri Gading.

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Father and youngest daughter's final moment.

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History would record that Lim Kheng Siang lived 88 years. Then he breathed his last and died at a good old age, an old man and full of years.

I may add that his close family members were with him when he died and many who knew him, his friends and acquaintances came to bid him farewell.

His children.

His grandchildren and great grandchildren. My two sons also came from Singapore to attend his funeral.

Ushering the Year of the Goat in 2015

These days, occasions when family members could get together for reunion seemed to come and pass at incredible speed. The recent Chinese New Year 2015 did allow us to have a small family reunion. This would be the very last time the boys came back as bachelors. By next year, they will come back as married men :)

It has been a very long time ago since this satay grill was brought out for use. Its usefulness has not diminished as evidenced by the delicious grilled lamb chops prepared by the boys for our simple family reunion dinner.

Eating Tangyuan has been one of our CNY traditions.

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Earlier on 30.02.2015, we joined the rest of the siblings and the rest of the family members to have a CNY Eve reunion dinner at my parents home in Taman Public. This was attended by Sam and Paul as well.

Family reunion dinner at my parents house in Taman Public.

Even though my parents had passed away for a number of years, the effort initiated by the siblings to have meals together during CNY is something to be treasured and hopefully continued for many years to come.