Christian Tradition

As a family tradition all these years, we went to the cemetery yesterday late afternoon to clean up two graveyards at BCCM Likas Cemetery - my eldest brother and my paternal grandfather. Believe it or not, except those years spent in the U from 1974 to 1977, I have been going to the cemetery non-stop for the last 30 years. In the past, my father has been faithfully leading his children to the cemetery to clean up the graveyards. These last 3 years, he no longer could do this because of his deteriorating health.

This year, however, only my 2 younger brothers, sister and Aunti Kui Moi turned up. Last year, we had Caleb, Calvin and Cathy joining in. Come to think of it: Can this tradition be continued and sustained? May be difficult. To be honest, I think our children who have never seen my grandpa will find it quite meaningless to go, to clean up the graves and spend a moment of reflection at the grave site.

But, I strongly believe that our family must know their root. A bit of history. My grandpa came from China from a county called Huiyang in the Kwangtong province. From what I was told, he came when he was a very young man. He died on 22 August 1968 probably at the age of 70 (Not very sure of his exact age). His graveyard was first erected in May 1971.

After the cleaning up yesterday, Rev. Lee and I agreed to get Paul Lo to reconstruct the graveyard which by now is in fairly bad condition. Hopefully, the new graveyard will be a reality by Easter next year.

Refurbished graveyards/tombstones of my grandfather (left) and my eldest brother (right).

Photos taken in Easter of 2016.

(Added to Blog on 25.06.2024)

Chinese believe strongly in the tradition of going to clean up the ancestral tombstones during the Chingming Festival. I think Christians should do likewise. Going to the ancestral tombstone once a year at least reminds you of your root.

Lazy Husband

I find this article on research done on men in UK rather interesting :

Men are getting lazier.They sleep – 8.5 hr, watch TV or DVD – 3 hr, involved in sport or meaningful exercise – 18 min. Hardly has any time on housework and parenting.

Boy Husband Type
Exhibits childlike laziness
Does not know how to take care of himself
Expects his wife to do everything for him
May have overindulged as a child
Thinks he is above household chores.

Perfectionist Husband Type
Has high standards for how his wife and children should behave
Has old fashioned view of a wife’s role in home
Expects her to do everything which may lead her to suffer from depression and anxiety

Angry Husband Type
Bullies his wife into doing things
Uses intimidation as a way of getting out of doing housework and parenting duties
Wife gives in to avoid conflicts because she does not want the children to witness an argument

Worried Husband Type
Doesn’t do things around the house because he feels inadequate
Lacks the sense of entitlement and is therefore completely hand-pecked
Has low self esteem
Anxious that if he tries to help out he will do something wrong

Tips in making your husband do more
1st: Be willing to compromise and negotiate. Try to lower your standards a little bit. Most men will say "If you want it done that way. You do it then".

2nd: Approach with affection. They will do more house-work and child rearing if they feel liked and loved. Don’t back him into corner.

3rd: Be assertive.
Don’t let men take advantage of you at home
Set clear guidelines
Play hard ball if all things fail. You are on strike.

Get to the Root

The landscape work arranged by my wife turns out to be really nice. Cost wise, still unknown! Hopefully, not a bomb! By the year end, the compound should look even better.

This morning, I spent a sometime in the compound pulling off the "Thunder Grass" - a direct translation from the Chinese "Lui Kung Chaw". Not an easy job, a few blisters in my palm!

This kind of grass is a real nuisance. It cannot be killed by weed killer. The only way is to pull it out all together with the roots. Any bit of roots left behind will start regrowing all over again. A friend of mine who also stays in Taman Khidmat gave up trying to pull them up. They simply grow faster than he could get rid of them.

This grass also reminds me of the training seminar on Theophostic Ministry conducted by our Church for the Jabed Team which I attended this Tuesday evening. This is another type of ministry similar to the 7 Steps to Freedom. We have yet to fully understand it. Its main aim is to lead the person to the source of the hurt and remove the lies in his life.

One thing for sure, like the thunder grass; sometimes, the only way to solve a problem is to go back to the root of it.

Mind Your Language

I read this comment about a tourist who found this signboard when he/she visited the Forbidden City in China. From what I can understand from the Chinese words, (這棟老建築暫時關閉進行整修.所造成的任何不便,我們深表歉意),it means something like this: "This old building is temporarily closed for renovation. Any inconvenience caused is very much regretted". However, the actual English translation in the signboard reads like this:

"The ancient building is renovating. Excuse me for bringing trouble to you".

Real funny translation!

Mini Reunion

These 2 days, I have been really busy. Yesterday, I had to skip my usual Monday after-work badminton game because by the time I finished my work, it was nearly 6.30pm.

In the morning, I received a call from a friend in DID telling me that an old friend would like to talk to me. Then he passed the phone to him. The guy introduced himself as Liam We Lin. I straight away remembered that he was one of the uni-mates in our years of civil engineering study way back in MU. He is now a consultant specializing in irrigation, hydrology and hydraulic. In fact, he accidentally discovered me when this DID engineer told him that "this Alfred Lee did this Putatn Flood Mitigation Study for DID". Guess what, he told this DID engineer, "I know this Alfred Lee Teck Kiong, he came from Sabah". Finally, we met up during lunch at the New Port View Restaurant. After we last saw each other 27 years ago, there was still this one thing in common. Our hair has grown whiter!

During lunch, we exchanged news and updated ourselves about our old uni-mates in civil engineering. Those DID engineers who did their study overseas (not in West Malaysia) were really surprised that we knew each of our uni-mates so well. That's probably one of the great things studying in a local U where most are from the same country  but different parts of Malaysia.

This morning, he called from KL reminding me not to forget him when we need some specialist input when his expertise is required. One thing for sure, consultancy work in KL is competitive and tough. Well, that applies to Sabah as well.

Living Forever

The other day, I read this feature story in Stars about a man who claimed that man would be able to live forever within the next 25 years. He claimed that research has been on-going to unwrap the mystery of the degeneration of human cells. Once the degeneration process can be controlled, man would live on forever and would not die.

Come to think of it, is it good to live forever with this physical body? I don't think so. Can the earth keep on sustaining the ever increasing population? The job seekers will never be able to find jobs because the old people never retire. People who should be gone refuse to go away! That's truly a very terrible place to stay. Don't you think so?

But as Christians, eternity is to come after death with a new spiritual body. Still, there is a lot of questions..... I have this one Primary 5 Praise Kid who said that she could not imagine singing everyday in heaven. Will we be staying in terrace house in heaven? Will there be KFC? I could only say, "Heaven is a beautiful place, it is far more beautiful than you can ever imagine!"

Seen to be Doing Right

My Resident Engineer of the condo project told me that he discovered the contractor had poured Grade 25 concrete for the drain base inside the Basement Floor during the concrete cubes testing. The contractor had earlier stated in the "Requisition Form for Inspection" prior to the pour that Grade 40 concrete would be ordered. G40 is the specified grade for the drain which is structurally connected to the basement floor slab.

The contractor claimed that he thought that the concrete grade for the internal drain is similar to the external drain which is G25. To resolve this, I insisted that the cast concrete be hacked off and recast. The contractor begged and appealed to us to consider keeping what's been cast without removal. After rechecking the design, we decided to keep what's been cast but with a very strong warning to them not to repeat again.

In fact, the contractor wanted everything to be verbal without record so that the client would not know about it. But, I decided that it must be in writing for record purpose. The other reason is that there would be cost adjustment from G40 to a lower grade of G25.

I told my RE that some may consider this to be a trivial matter and may not be known as long as it was kept within the four walls. But then one fine day, somebody may either unintentionally bring the issue out or deliberately raise it for the client's knowledge. By then, it would be too messy to explain.

Therefore, it is always better to be transparent. Not only you have to do it right, you must be seen to be doing right.

Indian Wells ATP Tennis Master 2005 - Part 2

Tennis update

This afternoon, the match between Federer and Kiefer saw Federer thrashing Kiefer in straight set.

Henman was decimated by Canas 7-6, 7-5.

Indian Wells ATP Tennis Masters 2005 - Part 1

Indian Wells ATP Tennis Masters series is now in progress. This afternoon, I saw Agassi thrashed Coria 6-4, 6-1. Really no fight!

Then Federer was neck to neck with Ljubicic. 4-4 when I had to stop watching and  returned to work. Still unsure who finally got through.

Previously, I used to have this bet with Paul on who would win finally. He was real focused on his hero. I tended to go for the underdog.

This year, Paul is not around, so no bet.

Paul, what is your gut feeling this time around?

A "Christian" who Committed Murder & Suicide

In the flight from KK to KL on 13 March, I read this article in the Stars which talked about a murder cum suicide case. This Singaporean man, Simon Lee killed his 2 children (ages 11 and 7), then his wife and then killed himself, apparently because of gambling debts. The article also revealed that 10 years ago, this man had a S$100,000 gambling debts. He came to the church and with the help from the church members, it took 3 years for him to finally clear the debts.

Last night during the dinner of the pre-marital counselors with Pastor and Mrs. Ho Hoe Sing from Singapore at a restaurant along KK-Papar road, Pastor Ho told us that this Simon Lee was also a lay pastor, helping in the praise and worship ministry in the church.

It was truly shocking to learn that a "Christian" could choose such a destructive path for himself. Worse still committing murder along the way. In fact, he never got over his gambling addiction.

When I first read the news, I felt it hard to accept the fact that a church could help to clear someone's gambling debt. After some thought, I felt that the right approach for the church to resolve this man's problem should have been helping him to clear part of his debts. The bulk should be cleared by him. You help someone who is prepared to help himself.

Unfortunately in this case, the help rendered by the church did not yield the kind of result expected. But then, when you help, you do not think too much of the consequence. It takes our wisdom to decide how we should help someone and to what extent we should render help.

Walking My Son's Footsteps

In KL, we stayed in the Subang Park Hotel in SS15, Subang Jaya. We had a chance to retrace the footsteps of Sam when he was in SJ from 2001 - 2003. I passed by SS15/5D and 5C had dinner at New Sea View Restaurant. This is one place Sam had spent countless of times for breakfasts, lunches and dinners. Right, Sam.

Photo of SS15/5D and 5C added on 25.05.2024.

It was like yesterday when Sam and I landed in SJ for the first time way back in February 2001. We walked for hours looking for a place to rent. Finally, we found this one single-storey terraced house with a back room. That was his first taste of independent living in this room. Was it tough, Sam?

Well, a lot of water had since passed under the bridge so to speak and Sam has moved on with leaps and bounds. Time truly flies. That was 4 years ago. Sometimes, I really can't believe that it's been 4 years already.

Talking about time, it is a very interesting gift from God. Everyone has the same amount. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. At times, you feel that time passes just too quickly, sometimes it inches along.

The truth is, when you have something to do or you have a dead line to meet, time seems too short and insufficient. But when you have nothing to do, times seems exceptionally long. Well, if your time seems long, do something, read a book, do a bit of research in the internet (of course, looking for the right stuff) and write a blog to capture your thought.

Paul, time may seem long at times when you are away from home. But rest assured, before you know it, time is up and it's time to move on to the next level of life. Capture and treasure every moment that comes along you way. What's gone will never come back again. Even you can repeat doing the same thing again, it will be different because you have grown wiser.

Hanging in the Air

Just back from KL by Air Asia. My wife had a successful minor dental surgery in the University Hospital yesterday morning. Met the Dental Specialist again this morning before we flew back. There will be a review scheduled on 3 May. My wife said that she would take the chance to go to Singapore to see Serene during that time. Final teeth implant is expected to be done in 5-6 months time by Dr. Moy in KK.

The flight back from KL to KK was rather bumpy. In fact, it was similar when our flight took us from KK to KL on Sunday, 13 March. According to the pilot's explanation, the bumpiness was due to the air current caused by the extreme hot weather. As far as I can remember, this kind of rough flights were not so prevalent previously. If what the pilot said is true, rough flights will likely be more and more common in anticipation of global warming.

I can never find comfort flying inside a piece of metal, literally hanging in the air for hours. Thanks to engineering innovation that allows a lump of metal to be suspended for hours in air. In fact, that piece of metal will be hanging in the air as long as it is powered by jet engine and in motion. Once the motion stops, gravity will take over. There goes the free fall. Dreadful thought!

Parenting

Last night, we didn't have our usual Friday night cell meeting. Instead, we had a combined cell in the church to listen to Pastor Ho Hoe Sing from Singapore speaking on "Parenting Children in the Internet Age". Pastor Ho specializes in family issues (marriage and parenting). He used to be a pastor in FCBC but now works as an itinerant speaker.

The scenario that he gave about Singapore is rather shocking. 13,000 adults divorced in 2003. Significant number of children below 16 have already watched 400,000 images of pornography. Youths favourite crimes: shoplifting, theft of porno CD/DVD. Latest favourite crime is stealing 3rd generation hand phones - those that can transmit real time images of the person you are talking to. Some of the perverse acts committed by teens are: Abuse of young kids, biting maid's breast, mutilating animals.

The reasons for such sad scenario in Singapore: Singaporean adults are all too obsesssed in chasing after career and consumerism. They are not interested in having children. Even if they have children, they are not really being raised up by parents but by maids or on their own.

As I look back, our 3 children were raised up in a way by the joint-effort of maid and us parents. As far as I can see, they turn out to be ok. But, there is still this nagging question: Was there a moment when we the parents were not there when our kid or kids needed us? If, it is yes, then I would like to ask for their forgiveness. I just pray that that moment has not had any significant effect on their well being.

Bank and Overseas Tertiary Education

Last night, My wife and I were interviewed by one Hongki calling our house phone from Hong Kong. He worked for Synovate Hong Kong and he got our contact from Serene. He was supposed to interview Paul as well. He talked to us for over an hour from 7.30pm to well over 8.30pm.

The gist of the interview was to have our views on bank preference in handling money destined to support children studying overseas, in our case Australia. In the end, he told us that they were commissioned to do the study for CitiBank of USA.

This Hongki chap who has just worked for Synovate for just over 1 month holds a Degree in Civil Engineering from one Canadian University. On why he gave up civil engineering, he told us that Hong Kong now has very little infrastructure projects and hence not easy to get a decent civil engineering job. On why he didn't try China. He said that China has a lot of smart local engineers who can do even better job than them for half their pay. That's why he decided to switch job before it's too late.

Not a good scenario for civil engineers in Hong Kong.

But then earlier in the flight back from Tawau to KK, I met another civil engineering consulting engineer who also has a consulting firm in Perth. He told me that there is now a great demand for civil engineers in Australia. The job sites are however mostly out of town: in the mines-related infrastructural works. Quite hard life! He faced great difficulty to recruit candidates to fill job vacancies.

In the end, he told me to contact him in the event my son is considering looking for job in Australia after he graduates. That is a piece of good news as far as civil engineers are concerned.

Life After 55

Yesterday, I flew to Tawau to attend the monthly site meeting for a Federal-funded low-cost housing project. My flight was at 6:10 am, which meant I had to be at the airport by 5:05 am. That, in turn, required waking up at around 4:30 am - painfully early for me! Still, I prefer this arrangement over travelling a day earlier and having to spend the night in a hotel, which I’ll only do if absolutely necessary.

At the airport, I noticed a fairly large group of senior citizen golfers heading to Tawau for the Senior Citizen Golf Competition. Among them were familiar faces: Datuk KS Fung, Stephen Liew, Chan Hon Sang (ex-consultant), Tan Sun Chai (Kim’s father), and Yap Shau Nam.

Yap was once one of our regular badminton buddies back in the 1980s. Later, he joined BCCM Petagas and stopped playing with us. In the past five years, he’s switched to golf and now plays off a handicap of 22 - not bad at all. He runs a steel fabrication workshop, with Wong Kok Group as his sole client, handling all the ironworks for their housing developments.

During our brief chat, Yap said something that struck me:

“If you are not a Christian and not involved in some kind of social activities that connect you with people, life would be indeed meaningless.”

His words resonated. Truly, if one lives a life focused solely on oneself, with little thought for others, one may be remembered as someone who merely existed - but never truly lived.

From Earthly Shores to Heaven's Gate

This morning, I attended the funeral of a secondary school classmate, Frankie Yong. We had finished Form 5 together in 1969. He worked for a short while after leaving school, but then fell into a long struggle with depression and other mental health challenges from which he never fully recovered. By the early 1970s, he had stopped working altogether, surviving through the care and support of his family.

Over the years, Frankie also developed high blood pressure and diabetes, and remained on medication for his mental condition. Now that he has passed away, I imagine his family - who had cared for him for decades - can finally lay down a heavy burden, even as they mourn his loss.

It was a Christian funeral. According to an old schoolmate I met there, Frankie had come to know the Lord not long ago - a quiet but profound grace in his final chapter.

As I left, I found myself pondering: What is the purpose of a life like this?

Perhaps one answer is this - that his life gave others the opportunity to offer kindness, patience, and care. And in doing these small acts for him, they were, in a sense, doing them for Christ Himself.

An old class photo of Form 5 in 1969. Frankie is 6th from right at second row. I am standing at his right.

Overused Word : Technical

One of the overused words nowadays I think is "Technical". The usage at times has been abused.

When the government was not prepared to publish certain Investigation Report or Finding, the usual excuse was: "We cannot release it due to technical reason".

When a scheduled event is cancelled at the last minute, the usual excuse from the organizer is: "The event has been cancelled due to some technical problems".

When there is a power outage, the common response from the utility company is: "The outage occurred because of technical problem".

The list goes on. The real reason or reasons were never explained. It is simply covered up with one simple phrase of "Technical Problem".

Don't you get annoyed at this kind of abuse of words. I think at times, more transparent explanation is required rather than mere quoting of the words "Technical Problem".

Don't you agree that the word has been overused ?

The Power Of One

One SONG can spark a moment

One FLOWER can wake the dream

One TREE can start a forest

One BIRD can herald spring

One SMILE begins a friendship

One HANDCLASP lifts a soul

One STAR can guide a ship at sea

One WORD can frame the goal

One VOTE can change a nation

One SUNBEAM lights a room

One CANDLE wipes out darkness

One LAUGH will conquer gloom

One STEP must start each journey

One WORD must start a prayer

One HOPE will raise our spirits

One TOUCH can show you care

One VOICE can speak with wisdom

One HEART can know what is true

One LIFE can make a difference

Author Unknown

God Plans Murders and Crimes ??????

This animal, Ahmad Najib Aris was finally found guilty and convicted of rape and murder of Canny Ong on 23 February. I think many people expressed a sigh of relief to see him convicted of such heinous crime.

But what made me feel kind of uneasy was the way Canny's mother felt about this tragedy. When she was interviewed by the reporter about this extremely sad event, she said (based on newspaper report), "I think whatever happened was planned by God, I am not angry with anyone".

Can God plan for crime and murder to be committed? I dread to think that that is the nature and character of God.

In the story of Job, when Satan approached God to do something to Job so as to test Job's faithfulness, God said' "Very well, he is in your hand...." NIV. I think what it means is that God allowed Satan to execute his scheme. The word is "God allows" and not "God plans". Satan was the initiator and planner in the case of Job.

Therefore, to think that God plans for crime and murder is just doesn't sound right.