Remembering the Past Generations

During the holidays, Serene’s family took time to visit the graves of her grandparents and great-grandfather at the BCCM KK cemetery in Likas.

Nathan and Grace paused for a moment at the grave of my grandfather - their great-great-grandfather - who passed away almost 54 years ago, long before their mother was even born. Naturally, they felt no emotional connection to him. They also stopped by my parents’ graves. Although Nathan once met my mother, his great-grandmother, in November 2011, he was barely a year old at the time and has no memory of that encounter.

After the visit, our conversation turned to the subject of burial. The long-standing tradition of cemetery burials is gradually giving way to cremation - a practice that became more common and socially acceptable after the Covid-19 pandemic. Burials in church-owned cemetery or clan-operated cemeteries are also declining in popularity, with many families now choosing company-operated cemeteries such as Nirvana Memorial Park or Fook Lu Siew Columbarium. The key attraction lies in the assurance of continuous, proper maintenance - something harder to guarantee in family or community cemeteries, especially as younger generations migrate or settle abroad.

Cremation followed by scattering of ashes - whether in the ocean, forest, or at a meaningful landmark - is also becoming more common. After all, it’s often said that a person is “forgotten” within 50 years of their passing. By then, who will still visit the grave?

This thought led our discussion to the film The Bridges of Madison County (1995), adapted from the bestselling novel. In its poignant ending, Francesca’s children fulfill her final wish by scattering her ashes at Roseman Bridge. That scene, in its quiet beauty, almost “romanticizes” the act of scattering a loved one’s ashes - transforming it from a purely solemn gesture into one of deep emotional resonance.

As I reflected on it, I realised that what truly matters is not the location of our remains, but the memories we leave behind in the hearts of those who knew us. A grave or a scattering site may fade from memory, but the love, stories, and shared moments endure far longer than stone or soil ever could.

Nathan & Grace at their great-great-grandfather's grave.

Nathan & Grace at their great-grandparents' graves.