An Unscheduled Departure

We received the sad news of David Lam’s passing through a WhatsApp message from Serene on the morning of Monday, 4 August 2025. He had passed away the day before, following surgery to remove multiple blood clots from various parts of his body.

The news came as a shock, especially to Serene. As the father of one of her best friends since childhood, Winnie, his sudden death seemed to strike a deeply personal chord - a sobering reminder that she, too, might one day be confronted with similar grief in her own life.

We first got to know David and his wife, Ivy, more than thirty years ago when they worshipped at BCCM KK (English). Both were members of the Family Group - now known as the Connect Group - which we also belonged to.

In later years, following their daughter Winnie's marriage and emigration to Australia, and their son Aaron’s move to another church, David and Ivy occasionally joined Aaron at his new place of worship. More recently, however, they had returned to BCCM KK, this time attending the Chinese congregation.

When we paid our respects at the funeral parlour on 5 August 2025, Winnie shared with us the circumstances surrounding her father's passing. The operation to remove blood clots had gone smoothly, and David was initially reported to be in stable condition. However, complications arose after he was prescribed a blood thinner for the first time. It triggered internal bleeding that could not be controlled. His condition steadily worsened as he grew weaker and was on the verge of slipping into a coma.

The family was then faced with a difficult decision - whether to prolong his life through medical intervention, including the insertion of tubes. After much discussion, they ultimately chose not to proceed with such measures. They made the heart-wrenching decision to let him go peacefully.

Winnie found great comfort in having had the opportunity to spend meaningful time with her father during his final days at the hospital. Those precious moments together became a source of lasting peace after his passing.

When I spoke with Ivy at the funeral parlour, she shared a quiet sense of consolation amidst her grief. In a way, she was relieved that it was her husband who departed first, rather than the other way around. She simply couldn't imagine how he would have coped with life on his own after her passing.

I found myself agreeing with her. Among closely bonded couples, it often seems that the wife is more able - emotionally and socially - to carry on alone if she must. It’s not that the grief is any less, but perhaps women are more resilient in the face of such loss. In that sense, Ivy’s quiet conviction held a poignant truth.