Chapter 33: 10 Years On After Mom's Passing.

On 5 April 2022, one of my brothers posted in the Family Chat: "Today is the 10th Anniversary of mom's passing". That reminder brought back memory of event in early April 2012.

We arrived Perth on 30 March 2012 and had planned to spend the next three weeks with the family of my daughter. Then on 4 April, we were informed by my siblings that mom had suffered a massive aneurism in her sleep before dawn of 4 April. She fell into instant coma and was rushed to the hospital. Brain scan showed massive hemorrhage in the brain. The doctor indicated that surgery to drain off the bleeding would unlikely save her life. Even if she made it, she might be bed-ridden and in coma for the rest of her life. Just when the siblings were in deliberation, she passed away on 5 April 2012 without ever regaining consciousness. My wife and I immediately decided to cut short our stay and flew back to KK on 8 April for the funeral.

Sudden death is often a traumatic experience for surviving family members. It is unexpected and happens without prior warning. There is no time for saying mutual good-bye. The absence of mutual awareness to separate permanently is a void that may never be filled up. 

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My mother was born in 1928 in Pulutan, Menggatal at a turbulent time when North Borneo was occupied by the Japanese from early 1921 to mid-1945. This may have been the key factor she didn't receive a proper education. Three years after the end of the occupation, she married my father at age 20. She once told me that she in fact had gotten to know someone whom she liked. But unfortunately marrying someone of your choice was not the norm at that point of time. In the end, she married my father because of family arrangement. That of course changed the course of her life. 

She worked very hard all her life, at least up to the time when all her six children had finished education and started working. To supplement the meagre income of my dad as a tailor, she had to do odd jobs beside doing the house chores. She had worked as rubber tapper (Read here), house keeper for expatriates (Read here) and assisted my dad in his tailoring work.

In addition to the seemingly unending house chores, she also had to contend with the lifelong recurring epilepsy of my late eldest brother. She had tried every mean available including consulting Chinese Sinseh, Muslim bomoh, Church elder etc hoping to find a cure. In the end, the epilepsy could not be completely cured. Because of the illness, my late brother had to stop school at age 13. Later on, he learnt the tailoring skill from my late father. With the skill, he worked at home and helped my dad to complete many of the private orders my dad received from friends and acquaintances. My eldest brother eventually passed away in 1986 at age 37. The early death of my brother had taken a toll on my mother and it took a significant time before she finally got over the incident.

Being a Sino-Kadazan, an offspring of Chinese-Kadazan parentage, she was proficient in Kadazan, Malay and Hakka dialect. My mom was closed to her mother, my grandmother. In the 1950's to early 1970's, my grandmother frequently visited our village home. I remember during each visit, they chatted for hours and they were never short of subject to talk about. Then on 28 January 1981, my grandmother who was staying alone at her kampung house in Pulutan was found dead in her house. That incident was traumatic and it took a long period of time for her to get over with.

The high point of her life was when the family finally moved from the village house in Harrington Road to a new house in a housing estate in 1972 which is complete with amenities like piped-in water, telephone and electricity. She stayed in this house for 40 years until her death in 2012.

Her neighbors remember her as someone who was friendly and loved to talk whenever opportunity arose.

This is the earliest family photo taken in a studio when my mother was just 22 years old. It was taken in late 1950 or early 1951 before I was born. 

Family photo taken in CNY 1981. My mother was carrying her third great-grandchild, our eldest child, Serene.

A family photo taken with my parents with all our three children probably in year 1987.

The family celebrated her 60th birthday in 1988.

A family photo taken with my parents in Christmas 2004 at our house. My dad was in poor heath by then. He passed away 13 months later on 25 January 2006 aged 79.

My mom last visited our home in November 2011. She managed to see her great-grandchild, our grandson, Nathan who was by then just one year old. She passed away five month later on 5 April 2012 at age 84.

Chapter 32: From First Generation to Current Sixth Generation

This year I decided to have another visit to the grave of my paternal grandmother who was buried at the BCCM Beaufort cemetery. The last time my wife and I visited the grave was on 26 March 2016, just over six years ago (Read here). This time we were joined by my brother Tak Vui and his wife Kui Moi. Coincidentally, the day of our visit, 5 April 2022 happened to be Ching Ming Festival. Ching Ming also known as Tomb-Sweeping Day is the traditional day when Chinese visit graves of their ancestors to pay respect.

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Soon after our visit to the cemetery, my sister shared some old photos of my grandmother's grave taken probably in late 1984 or early 1985 soon after a new tombstone was installed. Bouquet of flowers at the grave was most likely placed by my late father when he went to see the new tombstone and to pay respect to his late mother.

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In this recent trip, besides visiting my grandmother's grave, we spent some time searching for the grave of my great grandfather. My brother was adamant that our great grandfather was buried there and he had personally seen his tombstone in previous visit. Unfortunately, I have little re-collection of this.

My brother's assertion was proven right after my sister posted photographs of the original tombstone of my great grandfather. Plan is now in motion to rebuild his tombstone. BCCM Beaufort is also gracious to permit the re-construction of his tombstone even if the exact burial site cannot be located.

In this old photo, the name of my great grandfather, Lee Kon Hee (李观喜) is still visible but the original date of erecting the tombstone is not discernible. This tombstone is unique because it was carved out of a solid piece of large stone. In the tombstone, he is recorded as from Huiyang (惠陽). Though he was from Bolou, he chose Huiyang as the county of his origin. This is probably because Huiyang which is adjoining Bolou is a much bigger district. His descendants have since adopted Huiyang as the county of origin.

Nothing much can be said about my great grandfather because of almost nil information we have about him.

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My grandfather, Lee Thau Lim was born in Bolou (博罗) or Pingshan, China in year 1893 when China was in tumultuous era. Qing Dynasty was at its twilight years. Sun Zhongshan, a western-educated Chinese started a revolution in 1894 to overthrow the corrupt Qing government. First Sino-Japanese war was fought for almost a year from 25 July 1894 to 17 April 1895. Soon after in 1899, the Boxer Rebellion, an anti-foreign, anti-colonial and anti-Christian movement started which lasted to 1901. That movement had disastrous consequences to China. Qing Dynasty finally collapsed in 1911. Eventually, Communist Party of China prevailed and Chairman Mao declared the founding of the People's Republic of China on 1 October 1949.

Many Chinese particularly those residing in southern China began migrating to southeast Asian countries in search of better future and livelihood in early 1900's. It was likely that the difficult lives in China had prompted my great grandfather, Lee Kon Hee to join the queue and took his 16-year old son (my grandfather) to move to North Borneo (now called Sabah) in 1909. They first landed in Beaufort.

My grandfather later on returned to China most likely to look for a wife. He married a girl, Chu Chau Lan (朱招蘭) who was from another county called Heyuen (河源) which is approx. 125 Km northeast of Bolou. After the marriage, he returned to Beaufort in 1927 with his young wife, who by then was carrying their first child, Lee En Sang, my father. My dad was born on 20 November 1927. His dad by then was in his mid-thirties.

According to Church record, my grandmother was baptized by Rev. Lee Wok Sing. Rev Lee, the grandfather of the late Lee Choke Yee (Read here) was a Chinese missionary sent by Basel Mission (Tshung Tsin) to Beaufort in 1927. Upon baptism, her name was changed to Chu En Lan (朱恩蘭), the name which is engraved in her tombstone. 

Sadly, my paternal grandmother had a tragic death in 1937. She was crashed by a fallen tree probably during a tree felling operation. The unexpected tragic death had a severe impact on my grandfather (Read here). He was in depression and my father then 10 years old had to be sent to a lady in Beaufort with surname Leong to be looked after. This madam Leong was married to a man bearing the same Lee surname. She became a very important part of my dad's early years and he was deeply attached to her. Though I am unsure whether this lady's husband indeed had any biological relationship with my grandfather, my siblings and I were taught to address her as our grand aunt.

Before my grand aunt passed away, my dad visited her at her home in Beaufort. She was someone dear to my father because of the part she played in the formative period of his life particularly after the sudden death of his mother. 

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After 113 years since my great grandfather first landed in Sabah in 1909, his family has expanded five more generations to the latest generation of my grandchildren. The spirit of migration never ceases. Today, his descendants spread over four continents in countries like Australia, Singapore, USA, UK and Malaysia.

NOTE: Historical update based on recollection of my brother Tak Vui's conversation with our grand aunt before she passed away and his reading of Church record.